This is a paper I wrote as an assignment in my endeavors to complete a degree through Liberty University. It has been slightly revised due to the fact that the original was written specifically for a college writing assignment and because I have learned some things since then. It is by no means exhaustive, there are many subjects that could be discussed regarding the family that I do not cover. This paper is mainly to make the reader aware of the daunting challenges that we face today in regards to maintaining Biblical family life. It is also to encourage the reader not to give up. Family is God-ordained, established, and designed. Being the Author of family He can give us the grace to do it His way.
“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help, meet for him’.” (Genesis 1:18) At the very beginning of time God recognized one of man’s basic needs. He recognized man’s need to have intimacy with others. He saw that it would not be good for man to be alone. He knew this because He had created him this way. Relationships are the solution to this problem of aloneness, and family is the basic unit of relationships. I wonder what it would have been like to have had a marriage, as Adam and Eve did, that was free from the effects of sin. As Anderson points out “Before the Fall they were naked and unashamed. God had created them to be sexual beings. There was nothing sinful about having a sexual relationship with each other, and their bodies had no ‘dirty’ parts (Anderson, 2003, p. 66).” They must have had an extremely intimate relationship both sexually and emotionally because there would have been no selfish tendencies to hinder them.
It appears that children did not come on the scene till after the fall. I don’t think children were a product of the fall (although they may seem that way sometimes) but it would have been interesting to see what a family with children would have been like without the limitations of sin and the sin nature.
Well that, of course, is not the state we find ourselves in. The tendency to be selfish and sinful is present in all our lives and relationships, but, by God’s grace, we aim for that model of perfection that was exemplified in Eden.
Families provide some of the most basic needs that humans have. Fathers, in particular, play a vital role in the emotional well-being of children. They are needed to provide stability and exemplify masculine love and leadership. Mothers, of course, are also extremely important. They provide the warmth, comfort, and care that only a mother can (Dobson, 2001).
Then, of course, there is the companionship and intimacy that spouses provide for each other. Husbands have the wonderful opportunity to provide a very basic need in the lives of their spouses by giving them unconditional love. Wives have the opportunity of giving their husbands the kind of respect that God created them to desire (Eggerichs, 2004).
There is also a certain camaraderie and companionship between siblings that is helpful and comforting if those siblings have a good relationship.
This quick overview of how family helps give us stability and confidence by meeting our basic psychological needs only scratches the surface. Hundreds of books have been written on these subjects and I haven’t even mentioned the effect of extended family and grandparents. The point is, having a healthy family is vital to the emotional and psychological well-being of individuals, and, since our society is made up of individuals, the welfare of our society depends, in part, on the well-being of the family.
So what is the definition of the “traditional American family”? “In colonial America families were ‘a patriarchal institution raised by the father’. This was called a ‘godly family’. During this time, ‘the family was a school… a vocational institution… a church… a house of correction… a welfare institute… an orphanage… a hospital… an old people’s home… and a poor house’.” (Arnold, 2007, p. 2)
Over time these details changed but the overall structure remained the same. Recently, however, certain behaviors which were previously considered unacceptable have become the norm and are threatening the very nucleus of the family as it was once known (Arnold, 2007). Communities, towns, cities, and nations are made up of families, so the direction that the family goes is the direction that society goes. So what direction is the family going?
The divorce rate in America stands at right about 50% for first marriages (Divorce Rate). Divorce is very detrimental not only to the well-being of the couple, but also to the well-being of the child (Dobson, 2001).
Although in America we have the lowest cohabitation rate compared to several other countries, studies show that the trend is growing. It is becoming widely accepted that living together before marriage is morally acceptable (Jayson, 2008). Although many people believe that cohabitation is basically the same as marriage, studies show that it increases tension and is less satisfying than marriage. Cohabiting couples are also at an increased risk for divorce (Berger, 2005).
Homosexuality is another deviant behavior that is becoming widely acceptable, even though studies show that it is not genetic, it is not natural, and it is not unchangeable. It is a dangerous lifestyle and is one of the greatest threats to traditional family values that we face (Dobson, 2001).
It is now also widely accepted for both fathers and mothers to be largely absent from the home and from the lives of their children. Mothers enter the workforce and allow their children to be raised by a babysitter or daycare worker, and fathers just work so much they have no time for their family. This contributes to feelings of rejection and inferiority among children, causing them to grow up confused and bitter (Dobson, 2001).
Because of modern technology pornography has become readily available, in massive amounts, to almost anyone. It is designed to bring extreme sexual pleasure to the viewer with little or no effort on their part. It has the same addictive attributes as drugs. It also destroys relationships, consumes people’s lives, often leads to depression, and sometimes crime (Maltz, 2008). According to Dobson (2001) “A single exposure to (pornography) by some thirteen- to sixteen-year-olds is all that is required to create an addiction that will hold them in bondage for a lifetime” (209).
Sexual freedom is also quite rampant in our culture, but what is really appalling is the sexualization of childhood that is out of control in the younger generation. Children are being exposed to sexual images and information at extremely young ages and at an alarming rate. Also toy and clothing manufacturers are targeting children and teenagers with sensual and erotic clothing and other products. Children are taught to be “sexy” at a very young age (Kilbourne, 2008).
These and other previously condemned behaviors and practices have become so rampant in our culture that the belief in traditional family values is becoming increasingly marginalized. It is considered old fashion to believe in the true definition of marriage, to make the needed sacrifices and spend the time raising our children properly, and to stand up for purity and decency in a culture that is becoming more and more permissive.
Yes, the family which once was a mainstay of society is now under brutal attack. The outlook is bleak, but there is always hope. It is my personal belief that there are still many Americans who believe in family values and long to see them restored. The ultimate solution to the problem is not to elect the right leaders or change the laws. The solution is the Gospel. People in this country are in desperate need of God’s grand plan of redemption. II Chronicles 7:14 says “If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sins and heal their land (KJV). This promise was not made to the United States of America, but it was made to the people of God.
As Christians we need to take the mantle of responsibility from those who have gone before us and begin standing for truth and righteousness, even if it is extremely unpopular. We need to start with our own families and make the same commitment that Joshua made in Joshua 24:15 “And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom you will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”(KJV) It starts and stops with us. Who will carry the Gospel to the next generation and who will exemplify God’s true intentions for establishing the wonderful institution called family?
Works Cited
Anderson, N. T. (2003). Discipleship Counseling. Ventura: Regal Books
.
Arnold, D. (2007, May 7). Decline in the Traditional Family. Retrieved February 28, 2009, from Associated Content: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/234244/decline_in_the_traditional_family_pg2.html?cat=4
Berger, K. S. (2005). The Developing Person. New York: Worth Publishers.
Divorce Rate. (n.d.). Retrieved March 1, 2009, from Divorce Rate: http://divorcerate.org/
Dobson, D. J. (2001). Bringing Up Boys. Wheaton: Tyndale House.
Eggerichs, D. E. (2004). Love and Respect. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.
Jayson, S. (2008, June 9). More View Cohabitation as Acceptable Choice. Retrieved March 1, 2009, from
USA Today: http:/www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2008-06-08-cohabitation-study_N.htm
Kilbourne, D. E. (2008). So Sexy So Soon. New York: Ballantine Books.
Maltz, W. M. (2008). The Porn Trap. New York: HarperCollins Publishers.
Papalia, D. E. (2008). A Child’s World. New York: McGraw-Hill.
